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When rising pop singer Yadam went to Madrid’s Pride celebration in June, he chose an outfit that he knew would strike up a conversation back home in Venezuela. “They tell us it’s okay to be queer as long as we’re not effeminate,” he captioned a post about that day. “Today, I’m wearing a skirt and crop top for the first time, and I continue feeling like a free man, proud and happy.”
Yadam happily looks back at that moment. After all, sporting skirts in public and singing openly about queer love is a stark contrast to the young closeted teenager he once was growing up between the U.S. and Venezuela, surrounded by an ultra-Christian family and community.
“Queer people in Latin America and other homophobic places have had their love stories robbed,” he tells Rolling Stone. “Writing songs was my way of making myself feel understood… I’m trying to be the friend I never had when I was a teen.”
On Friday, Yadam — who Rolling Stone named as a Latin Act Set to Make It Big in 2023 — will release Belamor, his debut album. He described it as a “three-year therapy session,” packed with songs he wrote that capture his experience as a queer man coming out, experiencing love in secret, and surviving heartbreak while out and free.
He drew inspiration from his first love, a boy he had feelings for as a teen. But the two of them could never be in a public relationship. After five years of loving each other in the shadows, Yadam chose to be free and come out to his family. The boy, Yadam says, opted to instead pursue a role in the church. “I was done with hiding… He’s never going to come out, and that’s his choice,” he says. He adds that the boy “knows the album is all about him.”
From his bedroom in Paris, and rocking octagon-shaped glasses he designed himself, Yadam breaks down his five favorite songs from Belamor.
Otras Mujeres
“Otras Mujeres” was the last song I wrote. I got to work on it in London with Sam Dixon, who has worked with Sia and Adele, and he wanted to work with Latino artists. We got together in London and it was really fun. The chorus is, “I know that you’re looking for me but in other women.” Growing up as a gay person, there are a lot of discreet guys who take advantage of the fact that you’re already out to use you and then not really accept [their sexuality] in public, and then you fall in love with them, because you’re stupid. [Laughs] This song is all about that annoying game that exists because of homophobia. It’s me telling myself that I have to respect myself. “I know that you’re gay as fuck, and you want me. Go ahead and pretend, but you’re not gonna play with me.” That’s me trying to tell myself I’m finally strong enough. It’s actually the first queer song to play on the radio in Venezuela. Imagine, like being on the radio in a homophobic country, and then just having this singer be like, “I know you’re thinking, I mean, when you’re with other women,” I’m pretty sure a lot of people have changed the station. It makes me really, really so proud.
Ojalá
I wanted to start the album with an “I’m sorry” instead of pointing fingers. When you write love songs, which are usually dedicated to your ex, you always point the finger. My mom always says when you’re pointing one, there are three pointing at you. I think it’s also just very healthy to think about the things that maybe you did wrong instead of just blaming somebody else. I wanted the album to start in this healthy way where you’re not just attacking a person, but also putting yourself out there and being like, “Maybe there’s things I need to change too.” I thought it was healthy to start this whole love story with a sorry. My only boyfriend I’ve ever had, we were together for three years, was there when I started writing Belamor until right before I released it. He actually did the typography for the cover art. He was so important to me, because he made me see the difference between what love is like when it’s not corresponded, and what love is like when you’re actually accepting to love somebody, and you’re actually in a relationship. It was beautiful, but then it ended. And I never understood why. It’s another traumatizing story. Album two coming soon.
Software
“Software” is one of two songs in English. I did it at four in the morning here in my apartment in this very room. And I was with this microphone; you could still hear the noise, it’s not perfectly recorded. When I tried to produce it in the studio, the emotion wasn’t there. I just mastered it how it was so what you hear is the first recording I ever did. I never worked on it. I’m really fond of this one, because it’s the most heartbreaking one if you really listen to the lyrics and the mood. It’s basically me telling this person to never come into my life if he’s not going to stay forever. One of the things that I’m scared of the most is abandonment. The fact that nothing is forever is probably what I hate the most. When you meet people you wish they can always stay, but either they go or you’re the one who moves away. The song is me trying to wonder what’s going on inside the person’s head. Computers have the software and the hardware. I try to tell myself the software of a person has their heart and their hardware is their brain because the brain is what they do. But the heart is the emotion. If you have a virus in your software, your computer is fucked. My favorite lyric of the whole album is “Did somebody hurt you?” If you’ve been hurt, you’re probably going to love in this fucked up way or be mean to a person.
Quisieras De Mí
This was a poem at first. It’s me literally telling my ex-boyfriend how much I loved him. It was me feeling loved for the first time. I wrote it, thinking about how I felt before we were together and how I was falling in love with him and wondering if he would ever love me as well. From the beginning, I say, “Words aren’t enough to decorate your altar.” I just want to be in your mind. I hope you love me as much as I love you. One of the most beautiful moments in my life was when I got to play this for him. I discovered while playing it for him that he used to play the guitar when he was little. He got the guitar and learned how to play it. It’s probably one of the most beautiful memories ever that I have. Because Belamor is about remembering a love story, even though it ended in a tragic way, I am glad that I get to keep that beautiful memory. I’m glad I decided to put this all on the album because I didn’t want to. It just hurts. Maybe I should be over my relationship after a year, but it’s hard to get over it when everything you’ve been working on is putting your emotions out there. I just can’t cover up the wound right now.
Feliz
“Feliz” is the last song on the album but it was the first one I ever wrote. I wrote it at a Christmas party in 2018. There were a lot of couples that were fighting. I was like, “Why are people together if they aren’t happy together?” That’s when I realized I didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t happy being with me. I started singing, “If you want to leave, I’m not going to keep you from leaving if I can’t make you happy.” When you really love somebody, you have to accept their choices and understand that their happiness may not be with you. This song is hard as fuck. Sometimes our finales aren’t always felices, but you understand they were necessary. I feel like a love doctor here!
