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Do you look good in a suit? Do you own a Rickenbacker? Do you have an opaquely Swedish accent that sounds good when screaming, “Hate to Say I Told You So”? If so, you and your cover band could become a Hives franchisee.
“We have arrived at a point where the Hives can no longer keep up with public demand for concerts,” the band said in a statement. “This is where you come in. Help us create a world where the Hives are playing in every city, all the time. Let’s make business together and rock & roll.”
It’s like owning a Wendy’s, but one that serves meatballs like an Ikea. Or maybe a timeshare or a pyramid scheme. Interested parties can find out for themselves by visiting the band’s website and sign up for franchise-related spam.
No matter how it shakes out, it’s a chance to get on a stage and sing the music of the Hives. And the good news for American franchisees, at least, is that there will be no competition from the Actual Hives until next summer when they embark on a mini stadium tour supporting the Foo Fighters. (And even then, they’ll play, what, 45 minutes max when Hives franchisees could play all six of their half-hour-or-so–long LPs in a row and cash in big time.)
Especially ambitious franchisees might even want to tour Sweden where the Hives still score Top 10 albums. Their most recent LP, The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons, debuted at Number One there when it came out in August, though it did not chart on the Billboard 200 in the U.S. It’s a world in which “Your Favourite New Band” was you all along.
