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With just a few days to go until the midterms, James Austin Johnson opened Saturday Night Live as President Joe Biden shaking up the list of Democrats running for office in favor of candidates who have more drawing power.
“My fellow Americans,” he began. “ThisTuesday, our midterm electionswill determine the fate of ourdemocracy. And let’s just say: big yikes!”
“We don’t have any stars anymore.Too many Raphael Warnocks andnot enough Herschel Walkers,” he continued. “Which is why we’re going to makesome last-minute changes before Tuesdaywith the Democrats who are exciting, got that sizzle. For example: hey, California, sick of AdamSchiff?Meet your next congresswoman. She ran for president back in 2020 and she loves a good crystal. It’s Marianne Williamson!”
The unconventional former candidate, played by Chloe Fineman, said she had caught the American dream in a “Tibetan singing bowl” and would be proud to fight for it.
Next, the president introduced celebrity chef Guy Fieri. “Unlike Dr. Oz, this guy’s got political experience. He was the mayor of ‘flavortown’ for over twenty years!” Fieri, played by Molly Kearney, mocked the Republican Senate candidate for calling his purchase of raw vegetables “crudite.”
Having also called up to the podium “Stormy Daniels,” “Tracey Morgan” and others, POTUS at one point threw shade at conspiracy theories surrounding House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s husband, Paul, while also selling the infrastructure bill that become law last year.
“A lot of you Red-state types finally gotbroadband internet so you canshare your Paul Pelosi gayerotic fiction at lightspeed,” he said. “By the way: you right-wingers sure do lovethinking up these gay little scenarios.Kind of sus!”
