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You know how in Mary Poppins, they foreshadow something big with a spooky little ditty — “Winds in the east, mist comin’ in”? Yeah, unfortunately, recessions don’t come with a catchy musical warning. Instead, we get vague economic omens: rising inflation, layoffs, (cough, cough tariffs), and the stock market tanking.
But here’s one warning sign we didn’t see coming: Walmart is selling solid gold bars. Yup. Actual, honest-to-god 1 oz fine gold bars. On their website. Right next to air fryers and bulk toilet paper.
These glittering little panic buttons are made by Pamp Suisse, a respected Swiss precious metals manufacturer that’s been around since 1977 and is trusted by investors, bankers, and government agencies. So, if your reaction is somewhere between “wait, what?” and “should I be worried?”, the answer is probably yes.
Gold Pamp Suisse Lady Fortuna Veriscan Bar
$3,357.50
Buy Now on walmart
America has experienced multiple recessions throughout its 200+-year history: the Great Depression (1929–1939), the Great Recession (2007–2009 — sorry, Mom and Dad, for begging for Webkinz during that one), and the COVID-19 crash. And in every single economic mess, one truth has remained consistent: gold doesn’t lose its value. While the dollar can nosedive, gold holds steady.
“The probability of a recession remains at 60%,” stated a statistic listed on J.P. Morgan’s company website. “Aggressive tariff policy could push the U.S. — and possibly the global economy — into recession this year.”
If you’re thinking about prepping for the maybe-it-will, maybe-it-won’t 2025 recession (Walmart sure is), you might want to grab one of these gold bars. The discount giant now sells them in singles, three-packs, and even variety packs — so there’s something for everyone.
Of course, before you drop a few thousand dollars on shiny metal, it’s probably wise to chat with a financial advisor. I did get a D+ in high school math, so it might be best not to take investment tips from me.
Still, if you’ve got some extra cash lying around and want to hedge your bets with something you can (literally) hold onto, Walmart’s gold bars might be worth a look. Worst case, you’ve got some pretty desk decor. Best case? You’ll thank me in a few months.
Gold Pamp Suisse Lady Fortuna Veriscan (Five-Pack)
$16,706.00
Buy Now on walmart
Pamp Suisse One Gram Gold Bar
$134.97
$151.19
11% off
Buy Now on walmart
Pamp Suisse 20 Gram Gold Bar
$2,271.95
Buy Now on walmart
Gold Bar Pamp Suisse Lady Fortuna Veriscan (In Assay)
$3,377.90
Buy Now on walmart
