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Saturday Night Live host Jon Hamm and Ego Nwodim, co-hosts of CTCBC (Check-to-Check Business News Channel), gave tips on how such consumers can adjust their buying practices in light of Donald Trump’s tariffs raising prices.
Hamm, introducing himself as Kenneth, offered a relevant fact about himself: “And this suit is from Kohl’s.”
“Markets are in turmoil,” he said.“Let’s check on the S&P 500, which is down2.38 percent.The NASDAQ composite is down 265points.And Dow Industrials are down2.88 percent.Okay.Does that mean anything toanyone?”
“I’m sure it means somethingto someone, but sounds like a bunch ofgibberish to me,” co-host Tasia replied, pointing to something more appropriate for their channel: “Take a look at boxed mac andcheese, which is up 4.5 percent to$1.59.”
“Also,” she added, “big-ass box of Bisquick isup from $2.39 to too damn much.And candy bars are up from ‘sure,baby’ to ‘put that back!’”
After Kenneth noted that Americans are spending $0 on doctor visits, his colleague noted one investment: “health carealternatives such as ‘Just golay down,’‘Take an Advil,’and ‘Pray it goes away.’”
The two then turned to correspondent David Hayes (Kenan Thompson) for advice on alternatives to imported goods.
“You can work around them ifyou’re smart.For example, I occasionally likePerrier water from France.Instead, I drink this Americanversion: Uncle Bubbles,” he said. “Even domestic products willexperience some fluctuations.I used to eat Cap’n Crunchcereal.Today I buy this: Sergeant Munch. Lower rank, lower price, flavor bad.”
A substitute for DiGiorno’s, he added, was pizza made by his cousin: “DeVonte.”
Back behind the anchor’s desk, Hayes’ colleagues said sarcastically that the money they saved would go towards their student loan debt.
“Never gonna get it!” they sang.
