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Saturday Night Live‘s Donald Trump, ahead of next week’s Easter holiday, compared his handling of the economy to the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection.
Barging into a scene from the Bible, Trump (James Austin Johnson) began with the self-aware acknowledgment that he–once again–is comparing himself to Jesus.
“You know, many people are evencalling me the messiah becauseof the mess-i-ah made out ofthe economy,” he continued, before explaining his flip-flops on his math-challenged tariff policy. “My beautiful tariffs, sobeautiful.They were working so well that Ihad to stop them.”
“The prime minister of Canada,big guy, tears in his eyes, hecalled me, and he said, ‘Sir, if you dothis, you will upend the globaleconomy, tank the stocks andbond markets, and unite yourallies against you.’And I said, ‘Let me cook!’” he recalled. “Then I burned dinner badly.So we had to stop.Now everything is back exactlyhow it was–minus a few trillion dollars.”
“A historic transfer of wealthfrom the middle class to mybuddies. Oh well,” he went on.“It’s true, the stock market dida Jesus.It died.Then on the third day, it wasrisen. Then on the fourth day, it diedagain–possibly never to return, justlike Jesus.”
Trump then joked about all the value Americans’ 401(k)s have lost.
“‘Jesus Christ’ is a namewe’ve been saying a lot lately.We’re saying it a lot.We look at our 401(k)–‘JesusChrist, where did it all go?’” he said. “I don’t know, but we’re going tofix that. Or not. We’ll see,should be interesting.”
As for the holiday itself, Trump riffed thathe loves it because“it’s the day where the mosthomophobic people try to dressas gay as possible.”
“We are looking forward to Eastermass.Easter mass is always packed.It’s sad.Some people only go to church onChristmas and Easter,” he added. “Not me.I don’t go on those days either.”
He wrapped up by insisting even though the dollar “has died and gone to money heaven,” he’s actually playing “four-dimensional chess.”
