Related Articles
Saturday Night Live‘s Donald Trump tried to resolve tensions between Elon Musk and Marco Rubio, while using the opportunity to insult them both.
Trump (James Austin Johnson) first summoned Secretary of State Rubio (Marcello Hernandez) to the Oval Office, where he told the former Florida senator that he’s been doing great in his new role.
“You’re the GOAT,” he said. “You’re the scapegoat. But it’s still a type of goat.”
During his at-times misleading speech to Congress Tuesday night, Trump said–perhaps jokingly–that Rubio would be to blame if the U.S. wasn’t able to reacquire the Panama Canal.
Later, Trump called in Musk (Mike Myers), the head of the so-called Department of Government Efficiency.
“Now look, I can’t have you twoat each other’s throats, okay?After all, I have a perfectrecord.Everyone who’s ever worked forme has left on good terms–and then gone on to write a bookcalled, The Man Who Ruined Everything,” he said. “So you two need to start actinglike mature adults, okay?So let’s begin with Marco.”
Musk blurted out: “Polo!”
Trump would go on the recommend that any insults should actually be good.
“Something like: ‘Elon, how doyou have 20 kids but I’ve neverseen you with a chick?Just dudes named donkey dong andboner king.’ You know, stuff like that.”
“Watch this,” he then said, turning to Rubio. “Marco: Short and gay. Classic.”
As Trump explained to Musk why Rubio is “important,” Musk’s thoughts were revealed.
“Phase one of my plan iscomplete: Ingratiate yourself to thepresident and take over themedia.But was taking this job a badidea?A lot of people seem to reallyhate me.My Tesla stock is crashing, andmy personal net worth justdropped by $100 billion,” his inner voice said, that last line a reference to Myers’ line–as Dr. Evil–in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.
Trump then recapped the meeting.
“One: America’s doing ‘bad guy’now.Two: Marco, get your budgetunder control.And three: Elon, stay in yourlane.You’re not the boss.”
Musk replied, “But I paid you $300million.”
“And that’s why you’re theboss,” Trump affirmed.
