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Saturday Night Live seven-time host Scarlett Johansson portrayed a newscaster bringing an edgy approach to how she presented stories of the day–much to her pun-loving colleagues’ disapproval.
Whereas those behind the morning anchors desk at Channel 4 New York deployed tame wordplay about lighthearted stories, fill-in nightly news host Denise (Johansson) applied the same technique to reports about gruesome crimes.
Co-host Tommy (Kenan Thompson) began with a story about astroturf being installed at a dog park, calling it a “doggone miracle.”
Susan (Ashley Padilla) followed that up with: “Later, we tip our cap-puccino to the coffee shop thatdonates all their leftover pastries to ahomeless shelter.”
Denise, noting that those sorts of puns don’t happen on the nightly news, decided to take a stab at one.
“Next up: the hospital,” she said. “Last night, a woman wasassaulted on the train.”
Tommy, not a fan of her choice of words, provided another example of what he deemed appropriate: “Life is like a box ofchocolates: an Elmhurst candy storecelebrates 100 years inbusiness.”
But his advice didn’t take.
“I’ll have what she’s having,” Denise said. “A Queens couple dies in anapparent murder-suicide.”
After three more in rapid succession and a brief weather break–“This week, it’s going to be sunny–Denise was back at it.
“And in national news, ‘hastala visa, baby’:Another infant has beendeported.”
Tommy, thoroughly disappointed at this point, called a wrap on the broadcast: “Well, much like I do every timeI make love to my beautifulwife, I think we have no choicebut to finish early.”
